The pain of metal
by alias chica-47
Summary: sv agnst some mistakes are made but it ends up being good s3
1. Default Chapter

Vaughn walked through the doors of JFT.  
  
It felt like the past two years had never happened,  
  
That he had never quit this job.  
  
That he had been walking through these doors every day for the past years.  
  
Except for the huge slap in the face of a reminder that he got ever morning waking up next to wife.  
  
The one thing that he loved and could not hate,  
  
But would love to hate.  
  
He had betrayed Sydney,  
  
Something he knew she would never do to him.  
  
After everything she had been through,  
  
Noah, Danny, then him.  
  
He wanted to die.  
  
Especially after that night Two Weeks ago.  
  
(Flashback)  
  
"What time do we leave in the morning?" Sydney asked him gathering the papers off of the hotel desk, preparing to go back to her room.  
  
She had a tired worn out voice,  
  
not from the mission, but her life,  
  
her life was tired, and worn way to thin.  
  
"I think 10" he told her  
  
'I am married I am married, why did I have to get f****** married?' Vaughn kept repeacting over and over in his head.  
  
Since she had died,  
  
he wasless then half of what he used to be.  
  
You think that after loving someone as much as he did,  
  
you can never love again if you lose them,  
  
which is true to some extent.  
  
He would never tell anyone this.  
  
He loved his wife.  
  
But not like he loved Sydney,  
  
Lauren was like a good dissapointment in his life.  
  
She helped him get parts of his life back.  
  
But the only one who could fully fix it was Sydney.  
  
"Wow, I guess I get to sleep in a little" syd joked sleepily  
  
"Well I think they passed some law about CIA agents having to come home at four in the morning" Vaughn tried to joke but immediately regretted his words.  
  
There were two things that they didn't talk about,  
  
His wife and the time she was gone.  
  
Who would blame either of them?  
  
Sydney picked up the rest of the papers, looking down at the ground.  
  
She wanted to badly to cry, but she wouldn't let her guard down around Vaughn,  
  
Not anymore,  
  
Not after he had betrayed her.  
  
So she quickly headed for the door.  
  
Vaughn walked over and obstructed her path though.  
  
"Vaughn. please. just let me leave" she begged  
  
Her voice wavering  
  
"Syd" he made her look up  
  
"I am so sorry. you know that" he tried to apologize  
  
"I just want to go" she fought him tears now running down her cheeks.  
  
That was their moment of weakness.  
  
Vaughn bent down and kissed her.  
  
Feeling for the first time in two years.  
  
The passion and the love would have been tangible to someone if they walked in the room.  
  
But the Cheating and the Wrong doing would have been too.  
  
But This was the only place he wanted to be.  
  
This was the only place he ever wanted to be.  
  
And he felt alive again.  
  
Be damned with moving on.  
  
Confusion hit Sydney's bring full force.  
  
She fought so hard not to let herself go numb.  
  
She wanted to remind herself he was married.  
  
But she didn't care.  
  
This world had taken so much away from her.  
  
She wouldn't let it take Vaughn away.  
  
Even if it was only for one night.  
  
Vaughn's hands slid down her back, Causing her to arch against him, pulling her closer to him.  
  
Her hands ran through his hair and down the back of his neck.  
  
Finally she pushed him away.  
  
"No. No . No. Vaughn you. you are married" she said breathlessly,  
  
that was the first time she had said it out loud, and it made her realize it was real.  
  
"Sydney. I know that this is probably making me the worst person ever.  
  
But I love you. I love you more then anyone. More then Lauren. But if I hadn't moved on I would have died. And I regret that now. the moving on part, but you are back. and I made a mistake. A huge mistake. But just give me one night" Vaughn finished his speech, pleading to Sydney  
  
Her head was screaming to her that it was wrong. he was married.  
  
But her body took over, numbing her mind.  
  
Allowing Vaughn to consumer her.  
  
Walking over he stood behind her, waiting for her to turn around.  
  
"OK" she told him allowing herself to melt into him again.  
  
All her problems were gone.  
  
And she wished for thousandth time that there was nothing wrong in her life.  
  
That it could be just one night, every night.  
  
(End flashback)  
  
Vaughn sat down at his desk, rubbing his temples.  
  
He had been different Since Sydney got back, even more distant the before.  
  
And since he had to lie to his wife he had been standoffish and dodged her.  
  
And now this.  
  
His life was so screwed up.  
  
And he had screwed her life up even more.  
  
All he wanted to do, was wake up in Sydney's bed, and let it all be a dream, none of the past two years had ever happened.  
  
(Flashback)  
  
Sydney walked through the door of Weiss' House at around nine at night.  
  
Her eyes were bloodshot from crying,  
  
Her hands were shaking,  
  
And she felt even more lost then before.  
  
"Hey Syd How was your Tr.." Weiss rounded the corner, but stopped talked when he saw sydney. Immediately walking over and taking her in his arms.  
  
"Syd. What happened?" he asked  
  
"Vaughn" she said  
  
"What happened?" Weiss asked  
  
"Nothing. just forget it" She tried to dismiss it and walked towards her room.  
  
Shutting the door and sinking into her bed.  
  
Tears streamed down her face.  
  
He had left her twice.  
  
After everything they had been through,  
  
He left her again.  
  
Memories flooded back, making the gaping hole in her life feel even bigger.  
  
The key to the hotel room.  
  
The Vatican.  
  
The Disease.  
  
Taiwan.  
  
She wished she had let him die then.  
  
She wished she had never had the experience of being in love with Michael Vaughn.  
  
She wished she had just let him die.  
  
He let her die.  
  
And for the first time she was mad for him not saving her,  
  
For not knowing where she was.  
  
And then Weiss knocked on the door, interrupting her thoughts.  
  
"Syd. I know something is wrong" Weiss shouted through the door  
  
"Please Syd let me in" he begged  
  
"Fine" she said quietly  
  
"Syd, just tell me what he did" he asked her  
  
"It was me too" she told him in a stony voice.  
  
Cursing herself for allowing herself to be seduced like that.  
  
"What happened?" Weiss asked kindly  
  
"I slept with him" she confessed quietly, tilting her head back to keep from crying again, and as a reason not to look into Weiss' eyes.  
  
Weiss sat there speechless.  
  
He didn't know what to say.  
  
(end flashback)  
  
Syd walked to her desk.  
  
Her mind was racing, and she felt so confused and alone.  
  
She needed to find Carrie.  
  
She didn't have a mother anymore.  
  
And she needed advice.  
  
HAHAHAHAH I don't know if you picked up on my cliffhanger, but you will understand !!!!! 


	2. Choices

Sydney pulled on the fistfuls of hair she held tightly in her hands. Her elbow's rested on the side of the sink. Staring down at a plastic object, with the word yes written on it. She didn't know what to do. She wanted to be happy. If this had happened two years ago, She would have been celebrating with Will and Francie and Vaughn already. She would be telling her mother and her dad. But instead she was stuck in the cold bathroom. Alone. With no one to turn to. The small piece of plastic would signify one of the happiest things in her life, It shouldn't be holding the most dread she had ever felt in her life. She couldn't tell Vaughn, She couldn't screw his life more even more then she already had, She couldn't tell Weiss, She couldn't interfere with his friendship to Vaughn and Lauren. She couldn't tell her father. She couldn't tell Francie or Will. She simply could not tell anyone. She just needed to leave and go far far away.  
  
Dropping the Pregnancy test into the trash, she turned on the water to the bathtub. Slipping out of her clothes, she stepped into the steaming water. Settling down into the warmth. Letting her mind go numb.  
  
(Next Morning)  
  
"Syd. Vaughn is here" Weiss yelled out through the house, hoping she heard, Vaughn was driving him to work, his car had broken, and Lauren was on a Trip. Sydney didn't hear him though, She was still fast asleep. Wishing she would never wake up, That her whole life was a dream. "I am going to go use the bathroom" Vaughn told Weiss "Whatever" he told Vaughn Watching his friend as he walked towards the door. He hated seeing Vaughn like this. But he also hated seeing Vaughn hurt Sydney. The thing that made it even worse, Was all this was brought upon them by one man. Sloane. If it hadn't been for Sloane Vaughn and Sydney never would have met. They would still have their same old boring jobs and everyone in the houses life would be normal.  
  
Vaughn walked to the sink. Turning on the faucet, He slipped his hands under the water. Jerking them back immediately because the waster was scolding. Then, Something in the trashcan caught his eye. Bending down he looked at the very obvious YES. He had screwed himself over in so many ways possible he started to laugh. It was the only way he could possibly react to this. Everything in his life could be right for once.  
  
Except for that small band of metal wrapped around his finger. And as he kneeled there in the cold bathroom floor, All he could think was that if this had happened two years ago, He would be laughing, But not out of confusing, Out of happiness.  
  
Weiss walked into the bathroom five minutes later in pursuit of finding out what was taking Vaughn so long. To find him sitting on the floor laughing. Vaughn's head was exploding, and this was the only way for him to handle it. Weiss stared down at Vaughn's form that was still leaning over the trashcan laughing, Weiss truly thought that Vaughn had gone crazy. "Michael?" Weiss asked him cautiously a little scared Vaughn held up the pregnancy test. Weiss stood there for the second time that month speechless. "God, how could I do this?" Vaughn asked Weiss rhetorically. His laughing ceasing "Vaughn you have to talk to her" Weiss told him "No" he told Weiss "I screwed things up enough for her, I am leaving, I am leaving with Lauren and going far, Far away. It will make it better for her" Vaughn told Weiss "Since when did you become such a coward. God Vaughn I used to respect you, now Sydney comes home two weeks ago crying and confused because of you, And now this, And you want to take the easy way out? Sorry but the excuse that Sydney died took away from your life and you aren't the same person, stopped working when she came back. So get your ass off the floor, and go talk to her, and then talk to Lauren, because we all know who you will end up with in the end" Weiss scolded Vaughn as he stood up. "I have to go" Vaughn told Weiss "IU need to use your car" He told Eric as he grabbed the key's out of his hand and walked out of the door "Just make the right decision" Weiss told the door  
  
Vaughn sped through Traffic. How the hell could this have happened. Why did this have to happen, He wasn't going to lose Sydney a second time, And he knew if he didn't do anything soon she would leave. He knew that she would just disappear again. That was when he finally realized something. Sitting in his car behind a gloomy building his head resting on the steering wheel. This could be the answer's to the the problems. This is what could bring them back together. And that he was going to have a child. Sydney's Child. No matter how messed up anything was, he had that to hold on to. No matter what happened, He would always have that child as a living reminder of Sydney. No matter how many times she left, No matter what will happen, After that child was born, They would have a tangible connection. Vaughn's face was not as gloomy as he stepped out of the car. Walking through the small dark alley, He opened the old warehouse door. He came here a lot after Sydney had died. It was funny how such a dark gloomy place can remind you so much of the person you love the most. Vaughn started to pace. He didn't know what to do about lauren. He loved her and he was her husband, Till death do them part, That was what he had promised her, And he hated to break that promise, He never wanted a divorce, He wasn't that kind of person, And he didn't that to hurt Lauren. But standing there, In the dark warehouse, If he thought extremely hard he could see Sydney walking around the Warehouse. He could see her walking through the chain link doors in the dress that night she went to Sloane's house for dinner with Will. He could remember exactly what she smelled like when he comforted her that one night. And most of all if he really listened, He could hear her heels clicking down the cement walking towards the warehouse. And opening his eyes, He realized he wasn't remembering it. He realized then that no matter how much he hated it, For Sydney's sake, He had to tell her he knew, He had to tell Lauren. And he had to end this, He was not going to let them both suffer. He had to choose. And there was no question who would be chosen. He wasn't going to lose her again.  
  
Ok not much of a cliff, BUT I have a good well good but sad twist coming up, So keep reading it!!! 


	3. the door

"Vaughn?" Sydney asked in a wavering voice, tears stained her face, She wanted to come hear to think, She would think, But only about what had happened in this warehouse, All her Joey's pizza runs, But never about what was going to happen in the future. All Vaughn could do was walk over and wrap her in his arms. And for the second time Sydney Bristow allowed herself to melt into Michael Vaughn. But this time she knew better. "No.No No No" She thought out loud, pushing herself out of his arms. Walking around to the back of the warehouse. Vaughn crossed his arms and looked over at her. "Syd, I know" Those three words, Were like a million tons dropping on her shoulders. She felt like falling over. She wanted to collapse. Vaughn saying it made it real, Vaughn knowing made it even more real. And for once in her life she thought about herself. And she wished he would leave his wife, She didn't understand how they could go through so much, And he could get married to someone else. "Syd. I am so sorry" "You know what. be sorry. I am just as much to blame for this as you are. But I am not the one who is married Vaughn. You are. And you have to make a decision now. right now. what you are going to do" she pleaded, her eyes were sad and pointed at her feet. Vaughn walked over and put a hand on each side of her. "I am not going to lose you twice" He promised her She looked up surprise and couldn't help but smiling. "You know what that means" she told him, tears of both confusion and sadness ran down her face as Vaughn nodded. Pulling him closer to her, she rested her head on his shoulder. And for once, everything was right, and she knew it would work out. "Wait, Vaughn how did you know?" she asked him "I found the test in the bathroom" he explained "You went through my trash?" She asked a little mad "No. It is a long story" She told Vaughn  
  
"What about Lauren?" Sydney asked "I don't know.Syd I love you, you know that, but I love her to, not nearly to the extent that I love you, but she is my wife and this is going to take time" he warned her "I know"  
  
"YOU WHAT!?!" Lauren Screamed "LAUREN I AM SORRY" "NO YOU AREN'T" "YES I AM" "You are going to leave me aren't you" Lauren said in a smaller voice "It isn't like that lar" Vaughn softened his voice as well "Yes it is" Lauren fumed "Lauren you know I love you. but this" Vaughn trailed off "But you love her more then me" Lauren finished for him "No." Vaughn lied "Yes Michael it is. how could you do this to me" She screamed again, Storming out of the room. Vaughn felt really bad for what he had done, But not because he had broken Lauren's heart, But he felt bad because he didn't feel that bad about leaving her. He wasn't remorseful, he didn't feel that guilty, and that was what scared him the most.  
  
It had been a month since that night, Two weeks since he had seen Sydney. She made him promise, She knew she had hurt Lauren enough already, And she wasn't going to see Vaughn until they were no longer together. Which was a sacrifice for both of them, But it was only fair to the person who was getting hurt.  
  
Vaughn knocked on Wisses door. Waiting for an answer. Weiss opened it, extremely confused. He hated being left out of the loop. He knew something was wrong, When Sydney came home, smiling, And called in to take a month off from work. He still did not know why she was so happy, Why her happiness had kept up over the past two weeks, She hadn't seen Vaughn in two weeks, Her life was falling apart, And she still to his knowledge hadn't told anyone that she was pregnant. He absolutely hated it. "Vaughn, what the hell is going on. because I swear to God it you do not tell me so." But he was cut off by Vaughn putting a hand up to silence him. "I need to See Sydney then we can talk" he told Weiss "Fine" Weiss huffed letting Vaughn walk past him  
  
"Syd?" Vaughn asked standing in the doorway of her room. Sydney looked up immediately from her book, smiling expectantly "It is over" he smiled, a sorrowful smile, he was now over the initial shock of breaking it off with his wife. And he felt remorseful, but he wasn't going to lose Sydney again, he meant more to him then anything. Vaughn walked over to the edge of her bed and sat down, kissing her forehead and then placed a hand over her stomach. Causing waves of excitement to shoot through her body. And she knew sooner or later things would be back to normal. "Vaughn I am pregnant" Sydney told him, more to herself, reminding herself, she knew very well that he knew this information. But it was the first time she was actually telling him. "Tell me that again" he smiled "I am pregnant" she said again her smile growing larger and larger "Once more" "We are having a baby" "God I love you" "I know" "Syd" "Hmm?" "We have to tell Weiss and your dad" He told her "Do we have to?" She asked "Yes" "Fine, just tomorrow" She told Vaughn "Tomorrow" he repeated "Vaughn, what are you going to tell your mother" she asked him  
  
"She will understand" He promised her, now lying down next to her. "I don't want her to think of me as the woman that caused her son to get a divorce" She explained her worries "Sydney she saw what my death did to me, and she will not blame you I promise you, everything will be ok" Vaughn assured her, letting him rest her head on his shoulder Just like old times. Everything was going to be ok.  
  
"Dixion, This is Sydney" She greeted Dixion "Hey" "I want to come back" she told him "You took a well needed Vacation Syd, finish it" "No, I know that me taking a vacation now with the covenant, it makes it hard for everyone, plus I need to get out of the house. I want to keep working and find out who did this to me, I need to" She pleaded "I will see you today the" Dixion said reluctantly, she had a point "Vaughn, I know that this is going to work out, but I mean do you want to tell people yet, I mean what about Lauren? It isn't final yet" Sydney reminded him "Just tell Weiss and your dad right now, just wait a week or so till it is legal, it is going to be hard enough for Lauren" Vaughn tried to sympathize with his soon to be ex. Sydney nodded her head in understanding.  
  
The next week went by slowly for all three, Lauren did not want to sign the divorce papers, But she couldn't keep Vaughn from not being happy, She was angry, She felt betrayed, but she came into the marriage knowing he would always love Sydney more then her, and she should have seen this coming. Sydney felt bad about what was happening, but deep down she couldn't wait for the divorce to be legal. Vaughn felt the same way as Sydney. Lauren got the better part of the divorce, legally that is. She got the house, everything that belonged to her, and they left it at that, Vaughn was going to move out and in with Weiss and Sydney. Finally Friday rolled around, And then Saturday and it was legally over.  
  
Lauren sat on the porch of their.her house. Her vodka glass in her hand. She had been a good wife, She didn't nag at him, She was loving and caring, And she thought he loved her, Everything was perfect except for Sydney. She thought of the boxes with her stuff that were in the house, She had transferred to Washington, She couldn't stay here, everything reminded her of Vaughn. And there was no way in hell that she was going to have to look at Vaughn and Sydney together every day.  
  
Vaughn was lying next to Sydney, who had fallen asleep a while ago. Hockey players skated around the Television Screen. Before Sydney fell asleep they had been talking about the hockey games they used to go to before, well before the past two years. She fondly reminded him that he had never taken her to trattoria de nardi. They talked about the babies' names. Sydney liked the name Hadass, In Vaughn's opinion it sounded way to Jewish, But she really liked it. As Vaughn sat there on the bed next to Sydney, Her arms wrapped around him, her head fitting perfectly against his shoulder, He realized this was his bliss, This was perfect. He also started to think about what it would be like to have a kid. The fact that Sydney was pregnant hadn't really sunk in for either of them. Weiss was happy to see both of his friends somewhat back to normal, But he was the only other person that knew, Lauren didn't know, Jack didn't Know, Dixion didn't Know. Carrie knew, but Vaughn didn't know that. By not having any one know, it made it less real, it made it seem like a dream.  
  
Sydney woke up the next morning looking forward to having the weekend off. But even more, she was looking forward to waking up in his arms again tomorrow. "Vaughn" She whispered, waking him "Hey" He greeted her pulling her closer to him. "What do you want to do today?" Vaughn asked resting his chin on the top of head. "Absolutely nothing" She told him "That sounds pretty good. are you sure there is nothing you want to do at all" He asked her smiling "Well a shower might be good. But I don't know" She teased him "Well whatever you want" Vaughn said pretending not to catch on "Well In that case." Sydney trailed off rolling out of reach Vaughn reached out and took her hand, pulling her back to him. Pulling himself down towards the foot of the bed, he placed a few kisses on her stomach. "I cannot believe we are having a baby" Vaughn said for the thousandth time. "It is funny" Sydney said "Why would that be?" Vaughn asked pulling himself on top of Sydney "Because I always wanted kids, but I could never picture myself being a mother" She told Vaughn "I understand" he told her, kissing her just to make sure he wasn't dreaming "How about that shower?" Sydney asked seductively Pulling herself out from under Vaughn and Standing up, holding onto his hand and pulling him up behind her, leading him into the bathroom. Closing the door behind them, Vaughn pinned Syd against the wall, placing kisses down her neck, Reaching the neckline of her shirt, he slipped his hand underneath the bottom of it, causing her to shiver. Pulling up the hem, he traced the small scar on her stomach with his finger, placing a few kisses right above her pant line. Vaughn stood up, pulling the shirt with him. RING RING RING "SYD OR VAUGHN GET THAT," WEISS YELLED FROM HIS ROOM "NO" VAUGHN YELLED TO HIS FRIEND "UH YEAH" WEISS YELLED BACK "WE ARE KINDA BUSY" "SHE IS ALREADY PREGANANT THERE IS NO POINT BUDDY, GET THE DOOR" Weiss yelled "Fine" Vaughn, said "I'll get it" Sydney said slipping her shirt back on and walking out of the bathroom towards the front door. Opening it, she stared into the mans bright blue eye's. Not believing that he was standing there...  
  
MAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA 


End file.
